Blue Collar Husband with Lower Income Berates White Collar Wife for Declining Promotion Without Raise, Criticizes Her for Job Hopping

Advertisement
  • 01
    Font - Posted by u/Stellcarso 18 hours ago Ç AITA for saying no to a promotion? I'm newly married and my husband is upset
  • 02
    Font - I'm a software engineer and my husband works in construction management.
  • 03
    Font - I grew up broke af so honestly I feel like I'm loaded right now. I make 120k and my husband makes 80k. I've gone from counting literal pennies because my budget was that tight, to not having to worry about buying anything we need.
  • 04
    Font - So at work, when my boss offered me a Program Manager position, but said that my salary would be reviewed at the next review cycle... I went and got a drink with the guy who has that job now, and the guy who had the job before him.
  • 05
    Font - The current guy said he was screwed out of a raise, he took the promotion when it was implied one was coming and it never came. And the guy before him? He was making less than I am currently in the role and kept getting his requests for raises rejected.
  • 06
    Font - That night, I told my husband about my day, and how I wasn't sure if I should take the promotion. We talked a bit, and he thought I should, just for my resume.
  • 07
    Font - The next morning, I asked my boss what the salary for the promotion would be, and he said that it would be up to HR in the next review cycle. I'd heard that that tends to be the absolute minimum they can get away with - and honestly that role on the job market was valued at 150-180k so I'd be majorly undervalued. I was starting to think I'd have to be a sucker to take that offer.
  • 08
    Font - So I told my boss I was grateful to be considered, but I was not comfortable taking on any role until the terms of employment including compensation were more fully defined. He said his hands were tied - HR wouldn't renegotiate until the next quarter.
  • 09
    Font - I came home and told my husband I declined the promotion. And he was surprisingly mad about it; he said it was something we should have talked about instead of me just going on my own. And that I knew he didn't agree with me!
  • 10
    Font - I said that I knew my job, the financials weren't looking good, and you can't get water from a stone. And if I took that, I'd be doubling my workload for nothing.
  • 11
    Font - He said I'd have something for my resume that'd let me negotiate a higher pay elsewhere, since it'd open up other management jobs for me.
  • 12
    Font - I said I liked being an individual contributor, I wouldn't enjoy management, so that wasn't something I cared about.
  • 13
    Font - He said "it's all about you, isn't it" and was upset because we're married now and I was impacting both of our financial futures since I didn't want a "hard job"
  • 14
    Font - And that it was normal to take on additional responsibilities and then have a salary review- I just didn't know because I'm too young (27 to his 33) and have never been promoted since I job hop too much.
  • 15
    Font - I said it was an old-school way of thinking to slave away for free on the hope you'll be rewarded - I tried that at my first two jobs and that's why I quit! All it does is tells them you're cheap and gullible! He called me naieve and said I was too idealistic... AITA for declining the promotion?
  • 16
    Font - Fit-Cardiologist4706 18 hr. ago. edited 18 hr. ago ● Holy shit NTA. I'm a software engineer and I would hate being a PM. It's much more work, but it also is a completely different role. I wouldn't call it a promotion; it's a different job.
  • 17
    Font - Your husband could switch careers and make more than 80k if your (quite high!) combined income isn't enough. The only difference is that you were directly offered this position rather than seeking it out. It's a nice cherry on top that it's a shitty offer.
  • 18
    Font - Throwawayhater3343 12 hr. ago That would be if she wanted to go from being a software engineer to a program manager permanently... I certainly wouldn't. Like others have said, it's not only a completely different job in almost all ways but it can be double the work with NOT double the pay. NTA OP, your husband however is a huge AH. Were you his retirement plan?
  • 19
    Font - xasdfxx 13 hr. ago Separately, it's a big career downgrade. (1) much lower pay; (2) many fewer positions; (3) nontechnical, with fewer barriers to entry (ie more competition). What's not to love :rolleyes: ? OP, tell husband he has no idea what he's talking about and to stay in his own lane. And consider why he's being so controlling and that you may need a divorce when the person making 33% less money than you is intent on screwing up your career.
  • 20
    Font - ApdoKangaroo 16 hr. ago Might be the arrogance of being an Engineer, but anyone who is not an Engineer giving me career advice would have all my co workers and my friends on the floor laughing quite literally. I'm a Software Engineer and my unemployed friend tried to give me career advice in front of our friend group. (He's the only one who is not an Engineer, decided to study biology or something. All of us shifted majors in college because we looked at the job market and understood, som
  • 21
    Font - If someone in construction management tried to give me career advice, I would either think they are joking or consider them delusional.
  • 22
    Font - Full-String7137 18 hr. ago Partassipant [4] NTA. His reaction is bizarre. You absolutely should not be taking on more responsibility without adequate compensation. Honestly, this is kinda a weird way of doing it. I don't think it's even legal in my country. You were right to discuss it with your husband but ultimately it's 100% your decision.
  • 23
    Font - cb1977007 15 hr. ago Partassipant [1] This. You consulted with him and took his input and feedback. And feedback from others who had experience with the role. And feedback from your boss. Then you made the decision that was right for you. That's how it works. Even when you're married, you continue to be an individual with agency and autonomy. If he wants to earn more at the expense of his own happiness with a role, he should go do that. But he can't require you to do it. NTA.
  • 24
    Font - Sea-Ad3724 11 hr. ago Asshole Enthusiast [9] The husbands response comes across controlling. She discussed the offer with him but ultimately he needs to respect her decision, especially since it sounds like she did research and gave it due consideration

Tags

Scroll Down For The Next Article